— (via latelycravingmore)
dj roomba is literally the greatest thing thats ever happened to me
and Andy, apparently.
If my jokes offend you:
- I’m sorry
- It won’t happen again
- 1 & 2 are lies
- You’re a pussy
Don’t date someone you wouldn’t own a dog with
This is like really sound advice though
Have you ever sucked a dick and exceeded your own expectations???????????? Like you gave him head the level of a veteran porn star? Like you memorized every cosmo sex tip ever? Like your name given at birth should have been ‘Superhead’ on the birth certificate? Like the gag reflex never even evolved in the human race?????